I spent Thanksgiving hiking in the Andes with my best friend. In five days, we hiked approximately 30 miles, ascending over a thousand feet to almost 16,000 feet. In an unglamorous version of this story, I would include that I was hiking in both rain and hail, that I went almost a week without showering, that I had altitude sickness at the highest points, and that I discovered just how unsafe the water was. 

Still, what a Thanksgiving! It was perhaps my most challenging and exciting adventure to date. Our extreme exhaustion made turning back a great temptation at several points, but we finished the circuit, and as I reached the end, I enjoyed a great sense of accomplishment. Conquering the Andes on foot made me feel strong and able. 

This great sense of accomplishment was achieved because my task was truly difficult and because success wasn’t guaranteed. In our generation of “helicopter parents”, however, failure is a bad word, and at the expense of letting girls face real challenges, the possibility of failure is often eliminated by participation trophies, scoreless soccer games, and parents calling schools to complain about the cast of the spring musical. 

Of course wanting your girl to succeed is natural, and protecting her from failure must be out of love, but learning how to tackle challenges and experience both success and failure inspires girls to work hard, dream big, and know the difference between real limitations and insecurities. 

The development of these skills is particularly important for girls, who are more likely to give up when learning difficult material because they consider their abilities innate and unchanging. For the sake of your girl, let her fail, praise her successes, and celebrate her hard work either way. Encourage her to try new and challenging things, while supporting her interests and talents. She doesn’t have to climb a mountain to feel confident!